Mullets:
The Legend, The Myth, The Reality

*In my own defense, I must say that this page is a JOKE; it must not to be taken as anything more than that. It should be noted that I really do think that mullets are a ridiculous haircut, but the people who sport them shouldn't be lynched for it.

What is a Mullet?
Truly, a mullet is a fish which has screwed up teeth, a small mouth, and is just nasty-looking.

Oddly enough, many of the same rules apply for their human counterpart.

Originally, "the mullet" was just thought to be a clever name for a ridiculous haircut. But over the years, it has become evident that it's more than that - it's a lifestyle. A Mullet is anyone with the haircut that is called "the mullet (cut)" or any in hair style listed to the side, a style where the hair is dramatically longer in the back than it is in the front and on top. Generally, this hairstyle pertains to hicks, old ladies, hillbillies, 80's metal bands, kids who don't have a choice, and those whom listen to the likes of Alabama, The Steve Miller Band, White Snake, AC/DC, Lion, Lynyrd Skynyrd, Poison, REO Speedwagon, and other such artists of that era (circa 1979-1991).

Enemies of the mullet often include different subcultures of their own kind (i.e., "The Camaromullet" vs "The Speeddealermullet"), and also include the rival hair types, "Coldnecks" and "Samsons."
 

Where do Mullets Come From?
The style probably dates back to the medieval ages, when it was cool to have long hair but short hair was necessary to make a better field of vision in battle. So the knights decided that it was cool to have short hair in the front, but keep it long in the back. Unfortunately, when the power of the kingdoms degenerated, so did the quality of life that the knights who once protected these kingdoms enjoyed. Centuries passed, and southern rock-n-roll brought back the tradition of the knights of yore by influencing its listeners to wear their hair in such a fashion. Today, most people have realized that mullets are not cool; but there are still a few stubborn people who don't realize how silly they look... yet.
 

Three Stages of Mulvolution

Stage 1 - Coldneck

Named after the fact that their lack of hair makes their necks cold in frigid temperatures.

Stage 2 - Mullet

Named after an odd looking fish.

Stage 3 - Samson

Named after Samson, the supernatural figure whose hair was said to be the source of his power.
 

Mullets are the Demise of the Caucasian and Hispanic Cultures
I think it's safe to say that with these degenerative mullets still playing active roles our society, the average Euro- and Latino-American is looked upon with a bit less dignity than they probably deserve. This is why we, as a culture of keen idea, must take stand in a forceful form. We must help our brethren and guide them to step in the right direction. We must spread the word - "Make it long, or make it gone!"

It almost looks cool, but don't be deceived!

Check out Mullets Galore for more nasty mullets (if you like that sorta thing).

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