Rants & Rambles

These are some rants I have come up with since I've had the site up and running since November, 2000. If anything seems outdated, it probably is. But to keep the rants in their original condition, I just left them all the way they were. Some of them are pretty bigoted, but I think that's part of the idea behind rants.  And here they are:

Remember What We Have
Good Wrestlers, Bad Wrestlers
We're already dead.
Why?
Eastgate Theater
PMS
Valentine's Day
Star Wars
80's Cartoons
Alternative Radio
Saturday Shenanigans for the Youth of America

the twenty-second day of September in the year twenty aught one

I understand that many people, Americans and otherwise, are scared right now. I know that the attack on America is truly a frightening thought, and I could not imagine what it would be like to loose a loved one in the terrible events which transpired on September 11. One thing that we have to remember is that this is not an attack from a bunch of crazy people. This is a very well planned attack by a specific group of people, lead by Osama bin Laden. That is scary; but we've got it made compared to Americans of 100 years ago.

For one thing, we have television. This is quite possibly the most useful invention, next to duct tape, ever created. Before TV was radio, and from it have come computers, video games, and "200 + 1" CD players. These inventions have changed all of our lives, for the better, and will only continue to improve as time goes on. Computers, probably more than anything, will absolutely be the leading factor in war, entertainment, sports, and medicine in the future.

Another thing we have taken for granted is our automobile. Sure, we have cars now, but 100 years ago they were so hard to come by that you had to be rich to own a car. From cars came planes and submarines, which were used during the Great World War. Also spawning from the invention of the automobile came powerful vessels like the Titanic, smaller boats and jet skis, and hovercrafts. It is my prediction that hovercrafts and cars will soon merge and a new breed of hovercars will become the norm.

Perhaps the most important change of all in the past 100 years has happened in the past seven days. This change is America's strengthening citizenship. After such a long period of anger towards the US from its own inhabitants, we're finally banding together to become a nation again as the country gains respect and sorrow from within it's boundaries and outside in foreign nations, including former enemies France and Germany. As of late, the American esteem has sailed through the roof as everyone who lives here pulled together. This is especially true for the citizens of New York City who have gathered together as more than a city, but a community, and shown us that not even three catastrophic events in one day can bring down American spirits for too long.

If there is one thing that's for certain, it's that Americans have it easy.  And though we are living through a great tragedy, we will survive.  We should look on the bright side, and celebrate life to the fullest, every day.  We would be cheating ourselves if we didn't.

the second day of April in the year twenty aught one

Steve Austin is finally a bad guy! Yes! No-one could possibly understand how long I've been waiting for his heel turn, so I might be able to start liking him. See, he's one of those people who I only like if they have a certain angle. Take Hunter Hurst Helmsley and Chris Benoit for instance. They are skilled athletes, so it really doesn't matter if they don't have alliances and cohorts who others consider "good" because they will always be good athletes But other wrestlers, like Austin and The Rock, are not that great when wrestling. They just don't have the skills. But they do have mic skills, and they can talk a bunch of crap. So I only like these people when they have certain angles; otherwise, they annoy me terribly.

the twenty-sixth day of March in the year twenty aught one

Why can't people just do what they're told? Wouldn't the world be a lot easier if we all agreed to help each other when we could, instead of helping each other just when we wanted to? Aren't we all just a bunch of lazy asses? How do we think? What is it in our brains that make us think the way they do? How does anyone really know that we have electric pulses in our heads that control the way we think? What if we're all controlled by robots, or aliens? Have you ever seen the movie Dark City? What if our lives are all make- believe? What if we're already dead?

the seventeenth day of March in the year twenty aught one

Why should I have to write a rant every week? Do you guys really care what I'm bitching about? And even when I do bitch, does anything really get done? Which brings me to a better question, what is this life for? Why are we here? If you believe in God, then don't you ever wonder if he's a sadist? Could the "Lord Above" be an alcoholic? Does he yell at his wife? Which brings me to another point, why are guys such assholes? Why do we find the need to get upset so easily, and then we either forget about the problem or hold on to it for an eternity? Why do we suck so bad? Which brings me to another point, what's wrong with people? Why do we always hurt the ones we love?

the ninth day of March in the year twenty aught one

Why did they have to shut down Eastgate Theater? The more I think about it, the more I realize the potential that it could have had as an independent theater where they could show all of the old classics that people around my age didn't get to see on the biggest screen in Oregon, like E.T. and Monty Python and the Holy Grail. It's all Regal Cinemas' fault, too. If they weren't so stupid and were smarter with their money, they wouldn't be so far in debt. So to compensate, they shut down their biggest screen because it's not doing so well. That doesn't seem right to me. If you want to complain, you can fill out Regal's online comments card or call 1-877-TELL-REGAL.

the first day of March in the year twenty aught one

If there is a god, he will take away PMS and everything that is associated with it. But PMS still exists, so you know what that means, right? Wild mood swings will still run amok amongst our great society. This is not good, for man nor woman nor beast; for when that known as "woman" is near her time of the month, these few days often seem like an eternity. So what can you do to defend yourself? Ha, if only you could defend yourself... No, I'm afraid the only thing we can do is to let time take it's course and try not to interfere as much as possible.

the fifteenth day of February in the year twenty aught one

Well, I hope everyone had a good time yesterday with their fake holiday, Valentine's Day. Now don't get me wrong- I understand the importance of Valentine's Day and I respect it's traditions- but I just want to let everyone know that it is not a real holiday. Due to a slump is sales, Valentine's Day was created by the American Greeting Card Company to persuade guys to spend money buying cards for their girlfriends in between the big holidays (Christmas and Easter). Their clever ploy worked, and now we have it every year along with, but not limited to, other Greeting Card holidays like Mother's Day, Father's Day, and Secretary's Day.

the twelfth day of February in the year twenty aught one

I have never seen a Star Wars movie. Now some of you will say, "Big deal, it's just a movie," but to many people (far too many, in my opinion), Star Wars a lifestyle. Star Wars has changed the way that we think of movies in general. For instance, do you think that a kick -ass movie like The Matrix, Fight Club, even Austin Powers would have ever even been a random thought if not for Star Wars? Knowing this, I still have not seen the movie that started it all. To me, that's almost as blasphemous as a rock star who has never heard the sound of a guitar. But, lazy as I am, I will probably not watch it, even though I have decided to blabber about how I should.

Update: the ninth day of August in the year twenty aught one - I have now seen Star Wars (the first one, not Episode One), and it was pretty cool. I don't think it lived up to what everyone has made it out to be, I still liked it. But I guess it's a revolutionary movie with a really strong story behind it, so it's gotta have props.

the fourth day of Februrary in the year twenty aught one

What I miss about the 80's/early 90's has to be the cartoons. Saturday morning, I had the option of about 6,000 cartoons every half hour, and that's just network TV. It was truley one of the greatest things ever. I will never forget the cartoon that had a bunch of aquatic super-heroes, which was very similar to "Thundercats." I wish I knew what it was called. If you have any idea what I'm talking about, e-mail me. I even remember going to Toys'R'Us and picking up a Saturday Morning guide for kids so I could organize how I wanted my morning to be. Back in the day, I got up at 6 am and it was cartoon after cartoon until 12, and then there was "WWF: Superstars" and "Bill Nye: The Science Guy." And besides Saturday, there was "Care Bears," "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles," "Rainbow Brite," "He-Man"... And if there weren't any cartoons on, there was "Ghost Writer," which was on a lot, so my brother Shawn and I kept a notebook to write down all the clues and try to solve the mysteries. Man, I miss those days. I'd give anything to return to that innocence (and that era of great programming). So I guess the point of this is to remind you that we don't need to be adults all the time. Reflect on your life when you can and choose the things that make you the happiest. That's all you can do, really. We're all going to die someday, we're all getting old. Make the most of what you have.

08.09.01 - I found out what the cartoon was called! It's "Tiger Sharks!" Any memories of that one?

the thirtieth day of January in the year twenty aught one

Know what pisses me off? "Alternative" radio stations that play white rappers like Eminem and The Beastie Boys, yet don't play anything by black rappers. Why is that? Because of the mother freackin' demographics. "White teenage males" are their target audience, which means that their needs must be songs by those who are white. But why? It doesn't make sense to me. Young black people also listen to "alternative." Has the radio forgotten where rock and roll started? Ever heard of Chubby Checkers? But that's not even the point. Dr Dre (Eminem's cohort and predecessor) has songs that appeal to the same target audience as Eminem's. So why aren't they being played? I think it's purely a racist issue. If there are going to be "alternative" radio stations, then they need to be alternative radio stations, which means losing the "only white people make music" mentality and making the music an alternative for everyone. After all, black people need to make a living, too, so hook a brotha up.

It should be noted that I actually hate rap ("hip-hop"). I just felt the need to bitch about the racism that people don't even realize happens every day and is directly served into their ears without their consent.

the twenty-first day of January on the year twenty aught one

I had a really good day on Saturday... I stayed the night at Christina's on Friday, and I left her house around noon Saturday. I was going to go to a concert with Jenny, but she left a really rude voice message on my pager Friday night, so I decided to ignore her for the time being. So instead of going to a concert with Jennifer, I went to a different concert with Michael at Reed College. We were going to meet his friend Zack sometime when we got there. Well when we got there, we couldn't find the building that the concert was in. Michael's father dropped us off, and we coincidentally ran into Jesse, who is another friend of Michael's. Jesse was looking for Zach (Zach is not Zack, whom Michael and I both thought she was talking about until she mentioned Zach's last name, but is also a friend of Michael's). So the three of us walked around for about 20 minutes, back and forth throughout the campus, and finally we found Zach (not Zack) who told us that there was no concert, but instead Dr. Demento was hosting the show. I thought that was really cool. We went inside, and there was supposed to be a $5 cover charge. Lucky for us, there was no-one at the table where the tickets were, so Zach pulled off a ticket for each of us and we went inside back to where Zach was sitting previously with Zack. We got there a little before halfway through the show, so we got to watch close to the whole show for free. Then Michael and my new aquaintances Jesse, Zach, and Zack (who looks strangely like a younger and more in shape Drew Carey) went to my health club, IHOP. We were so loud, it was great, we made other people switch tables while we were there. We had a 2/3 cherry and 1/3 apple pie. It was hella good. Then Zach left because he had to go get some sleep for his last day as "Mattress Boy*, and the rest of us went to Michael's house were we watched Saturday Night Live. After SNL, Jesse gave me a ride home, and now I sit in front of this electro-box telling the world of my adventures. This was a kick-ass day.

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